Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Tis the Season

Well the Winter/Hanukkah/Christmas/Kwanza/New Year's Break is upon us! No lie, I am pretty excited about waking up late and dashing off to a few joyous events during the season.

Unfortunately for some (mainly Parker who doesn't like me resos) I will be starting some New Year's Resolutions this year a few days early. Last year I skipped the Resos for the first time in a long while, so this year I thought I better get back on the bike and ride again. I decided this year to start my resos on the 28th of December, because let's face it, if you don't start right away you'll never start.

So without further ado here are my Resos for 2009 (gasp, 2010 is just around the corner):

1. I will become Benjamin Button through a variety of New Year's disciplines:
a. I will reinstate my regiment otherwise known as the hour of me.
b. I will start using mom's tonic.
c. I will eat a new vegetable at least once a month (hey that's a big deal for me and for Farah's joy).

2. I will finish writing my story about Brandon Boxer (which I have just found new love for). I may even self publish it for kicks and giggles.

3. (gasp) I will finish the most long-winded, exhaustingly lame final paper for Chapman. Honestly folks, this year is the year it will finally make a difference on the pay salary so I better finish it pronto!

4. I will blog about (poor Parker) movies once again. I will give my reviews so the public will know what to do. If I see a movie this week, you better believe you are going to hear about it.

5. I will take a little time to be like Joy Behar and enjoy the view.

Alas, these are my resos, though silly, self centered and whimsical they may be, they are indeed mine.

So if you see me, you can ask me about one or two of them. I also emplore you to make comments on your own resos. Perhaps you too can be a Mr., Mrs., or Ms. Button.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Hey, hey...

Oh my goodness, I can't believe it! Hanukkah is over for the year! So here is a breakdown of the AMAZING gifts I got from the Fauf:

(and yes, Parker if you are reading this, I do have your Christmas gifts in the Cottage)

Night 1, Something for the Senses: Hershey's Symphony Bar and A Boomers Gift Card (Deal or No Deal Here I COME!)

Night 2, Something for the Cottage: A Puzzle (Yes, I'm an old man who now wants to do puzzles)

Night 3, Something for the Bed...: Well never mind (Santa).

Night 4, Something Doodle Loopy: These RIDICULOUS Batman Collectibles (A delight)

Night 5, Something for the Hobby: Scrabble Scorekeeper and Pen (Yes, I will triumph again!)

Night 6, Something for the Mind: The Tales of Beedle the Bard (Ah, Harry Potter)

Night 7, Something for the Memories: The Worst Witch Ever on DVD (Mrs. Garret in PINK HAIR!)

Night 8, Something for Vacation: Quiddler (Amazingly fun game)

Alas, I want to tell you what I gave her, but I'll leave that for her blog. Until then...

HEY HEY LIGHT THE MENORAH!

Sunday, December 14, 2008

I like it... I don't like it...

Praise God for Panera Bread and the free WiFi...

Things I like about this month:

My class has come a long way, and have done a great job being cute and less annoying.
The cottage is magical and has the spirit of Christmas looming inside of it.
The weather is changing, and with a lot of prayer (and proper temperature regulation), it will snow this year.
The movies we get to watch this month are simply nostalgic and delight the heart.
Cookies abound, especially those sugar/shortbread ones that have green frostings on top.
Parker is going to dress up as a Harry Potter Character for the Yule Ball.
Ahh... The 4th or is it 3rd Annual Yule Ball!

Things I don't like about this month:
The gnome is being forced to join the loud worship team (against his will I might add).
We are halfway through the month and still don't have a date to move into our new house.
We have neighbors who don't give us their passwords to use the internet.
December doesn't have a capital O in it. I love October.
People in Panera Bread are having and I quote, "Dreams about Parker."

Monday, November 03, 2008

Yule Ball

Oh yeah I did.

So now that I have won the bet I feel the burden has finally lifted off of my shoulders. So now I can blog freely and somewhat evil-ly about Parker and his fate.

The Yule Ball. He has to dress up like a character of my choosing. So let's get brainstorming here people. Here are my first ideas. I know I will have a lot more to add to this, but I wanted to get the ball a-rollin'...

Sirus Black- Honestly I just think this one is for the ladies so Parker can show off his manly chest.

Dumbledore all gay-ed out. I'm not sure what this looks like, but we could gay it up.

Lucious Malfoy- honestly, Parker in a long blond wig would be really funny.

Hermione. Pre-hottness--think book 3 and earlier.

Professor Trelawny- this would just be funny. PERIOD. FUNNY.

Ideas?

Saturday, November 01, 2008

A Ghoulish Glimpse

Here is a ghoulish glimpse into our divine Halloween Party...






November and its Glory

Hooray for November. I woke up this morning feeling a little achy, but in all honesty I felt rather renewed. I feel like I'm alive again! While traditionally I love October more than any other month, I would have to say this feeling inside me today tells me I am going to love November with all my heart this year. Here are a few reasons why it is going to be the bomb-diggity:

I can finally freely discuss Harry Potter and know I am champion.

I am now (nearly) the same age as my wife.

I have made it through the longest month of teaching (well in the fall at least, there is still March--yuck).

I get three days off this month--correction, 4 days off.

There is no BTSA meeting on the second Tuesday, well there is a tech training just before Thanksgiving but at least it has to do with using our new Report Card system.

The rainy season will be upon us. (though my wife feels like this is a false statement, she doubts the power of prayer)

We get to elect a new president and hear people complain about the voting system in Florida.

Depending on who wins Rosie will be very talkative about her political persuasions.

All in all, especially with my victory over Parker this will be a great month of bountiful blessings. Here's to November, possibly my new favorite month.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Not for your eyes

(Parker, you may not read this blog)

Ladies and Gentlemen. I am calling upon you to gain your support, your love, and your man power. In 20 days Parker will have lost the bet, but in 20 days much can happen.

I could possibly slip and sing a Potter Tune. Mention a man who slips behind a curtain. Or perhaps even blurt about a boy wizard. Please, if you see me refrain from discussion about the boy who lived. Keep me accountable so in a few short weeks Mr. Parker will need to read all 7 books and then attend the Yule Ball where he will dress as any character I select. I fear his (that is Parker's) devilish trickery will be in full force during these next three weeks, so I shall be on guard.

This is my hope, my dream, and my one year goal. Hey, I only made 4 slips. One more and I'll be out. Help me out here people.

Here's to the boy who lived and the boy who will need to read the books.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Back on the Carpet

Oy. I am exhausted. I have been running that Charter School like a MAD man. But in addition to that I have also been living Life in the E! Lane as my lovely bride and I went down south to the 60th Emmy Awards... It was pretty much amazing. We were a little sad at first, our tickets were downgraded to Red Carpet, but it all worked smashingly in the end... Here are the sights.

Now here is my run down. Just pretend I am on E! and I have my daughter sitting next to me. Also pretend I am a crotchety old woman with lots of plastic surgery, who in my estimation, is hilarious.


The best couple award goes to:



The best of the worst hosts at the Emmy's goes to:


Person I pretended to like in order to get a picture of goes to:


Stupidest couple goes to (sorry Morgen):



Most classic goes to:


Best display of classic Shaw Family TV mom goes to:


Best old person falling down on the Red Carpet, but still keeping a good face goes to:


Best dressed of the night (seriously she is striking in person), who put her hand up to wave when I yelled her name goes to:


Best person named after a religious follower goes to:



Best Office person who I can only note as the one who gets her cast signed goes to (and Office friend):



Best contestant from a reality show who is a hoot in person goes to:


Best Office Make-Over goes to:


Best over-rated male on the carpet goes to:


Best Office character, hands down, goes to:


Best man who is likely to take my wife goes to:


Best straight person turned lesbian turned Emmy nominee goes to:


Best Office Person on the carpet goes to:


Best 90's TV Superhero Co-star goes to:


Best example of citrus on the carpet goes to:


LIZ LEMON!


Worst person on the carpet goes to:



There it is. The Emmy Awards!

Friday, August 15, 2008

The Truth

Well, no, I haven't done the 601 blog yet. Reason being I have been uber busy with my school web page, start up, meetings, and teacher blogging. So I do apologize to those of you (probably only Parker) who have been waiting in nervous anticipation over 600 1/2, but you'll still have to wait. Now for some news...

I have been following the regiment. I know... Get this. I have been exercising for a solid 4 weeks as of Monday. This was all Parker's grand idea, yet I have yet to see Parker exercise with me. The daily routine started like this:

1/2 mile run
1/2 mile walk
10 push ups
25 sit ups
25 leg lifts on each side

Now one week three I doubled like this:

1 mile run
1 mile walk
20 push ups
50 sit ups
50 leg lifts on each side
and
20 different types of weight lifting positions

On Monday I will double or add another half to it.. I have yet to hear from Parker what to do next. So, I have finally decided to share because normally when I say I will do something like this I don't do much, but now I have, I can proclaim it! So there it is.

Own it!

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

600!

A note to readers-Please comment on this blog detailing how it has changed, molded and enriched your life.
A note to Parker- You shouldn't read this blog, you've been warned.

"But their laptops will block out the sun! Then we shall blog in the shade!"


PLUS



EQUALS



"THIS IS MADNESS!
No! THIS IS BLOGGING!"


This is the journey of one man, one blog, and six-hundred posts---today! So I will recount the high or low lights of my blog.

I first blogged 4 years ago about a guy named Mike Parker. Days later I was getting my wisdom teeth pulled and missing work, where I use to make up ridiculous stories to keep kids safe (i.e. "If you don't take that ball out of your mouth you'll swallow it and it will get stuck in your throat." as I pointed to my adam's apple). Oh the good old days of making up stories.

I went to visit places a lot back then. I recall "Represent 619" at "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" in California Adventure. Darn it, I almost made it to the show. One time I even went with the Swensons to Disneyland. They took me because they felt bad that my car was broken into. That was nice...

I also went up to see K and J in San Jose... There I saw Lisa and her then boyfriend... Or as I called him "Lisa's bugger of a boyfriend, Kyle." But as bugger-y as he was, I really liked him, and still do. Lucky them they were my first blog picture...


Time went on... and Christmas came upon us. I got this fantastic art set from K and J. I even painted this painting the day after Christmas. But to this date I don't know where it went. Someone moved it, took it, or threw it out. If you have it, please let me know, I was rather fond of the background wash.



Time went on, I called Tanya the "Chinese Woman", Carrie and I broke up, and Parker swears I almost killed him on the 405 interchange.



I was delighting in the preschool world by creating amazing classroom set ups...


And awesome customized furniture (again, I think this is missing too)...


And then I became good friends with a man who would later show up as a cardboard cutout to my wedding. With his friendship I re-indulged in movies and decided to make my Oscar parties bigger...

Susie's friend won the prize package, which just broke my heart, but it was great fun nonetheless.


I used phrases like "I done went and peed in my pants." and I started writing a story about a kid named Brandon Boxer (still working on it to this day). I referenced life as "Life in the Anti-Car Pool Lane" as I was single and enjoying my singlehood. I became addicted to 24 (thanks to Parker), bought a girlfriend (aka My Apple), and then headed up with Li to fix up the room for Cass... Well we thought we were decorating but then...


A month or less later the Cass was born! We all jetted up quickly to see the little tot! SO Cute!


A couple of days down the road my dad retired and we all were there to celebrate (K and J were on video--poor K sounded funny on the video--well she had been in labor for 20 some-odd hours and was still exhausted from the Cass)...


Then the unexpected happened and I moved out. Corbina was my new home. I was a little uneasy my first night there... After a few months I would move back home, but all in all I really had a good time there.


Then the expected happened. Susie turned 30 in grand Hollywood style. Probably the best themed birthday party I've ever been to. Thirty, curvy, and thriving...


Parker then was baptized and given a dunking party a la Corbina. At this point, Parker, you need to stop reading this blog...
Then an amazing thing happened and the Kiniry Clan, who back in the early days of Ig were a part of his life, resurfaced as The Burrow. Li attended the first Burrow and we all became family again...


So, time went by. Ig, Jon and Morgen were talking one night and came up with a great Coffee House idea---The international Facility of Coffee. It would sell millions. Ky had a great plan and called up Ig, who quickly made up a story about a girl who wears too much deodorant, and set off to help Ky plan the perfect engagement...

Parker was such an amazing friend to me and celebrated my completion of my Bachelor's degree in SLO style. And Li, who was now engaged to Ky, and Ig, who had met the most amazing girl he had ever set eyes on the day of Li's engagement, had an idea to go to NYC with a group of characters: Li, Ig, Parker, Tu, and Henners. And guess what? It happened!


Not only did they go to NYC but Ig got to meet the Broadway Diva of his dreams...


After NYC's amazing-ness (reference the video in Serendipity please). Ig jumped in his car and drove to a person who he had only heard of "Mimi". And then to the greatest, most magical first dates ever...


During this time of year the Ig met a guy named Kaleb, who shared his intensity and zeal for life. The two joined together to use their superpowers for Narnia, writing, tea and checkers.


Upon return (again, Parker, I've already asked to you stop reading), he rejoined the Burrow for some Yule-tide fun! This time all the Shaws were in on the act.


Then Christmas and Hanukkah came upon us and Ig gave Cass the first gift of Hanukkah...


Kaleb inspired great ideas is Ig...


Following some great decisions to date a girl from down south who would soon be known as the Fauf. Following this monumental decision Li and Ky made a bigger decision to get married in the Feb. with a little help from a girl in cart...


Parker and Ig rekindled their friendship to epic proportions and came across a Queen who asked "Is it your birthday?"


The Oscar Party turned out to be a gay old time...


Mandri reminded her teacher to "Stop spreading lies." And the Fauf's birthday was celebrated in style in SLO and Santa Maria...




America then made a horrible choice. Choosing this...


Over this...


We all know that Hicks is really this guy...


And somewhere down the line Parker graduated...


I then took my investment and got myself my Disneyland Pass and used it to the best of my abilities. (Sigh-remember when gas was only a buck something...)

Elizabeth and Susie were a hoot at Disney. Although rumor has it Parker had a cursed day...


The Drazin's were ridiculously funny at Disney...


Then, lurking in the shadows, they invaded the house! Paul and his cronies! They took over, and made over.


Sometime went by, my relationship with Fauf grew stronger and I started to realize something very special about her... I knew she was the ONE! That's right I knew she was the Phoenix!



Sometime over that summer when I had that realization that Fauf was the Phoenix I surprised even myself and went on X at Magic Mountain. Yup, I admit it, I let out a few potty words, but hey--at least I did it.


A few days later I headed up north (again, those darn gas prices!) to celebrate Cass' 1st Birthday!


Parker didn't dig it, but he did dig a hole on church property...


And then the thinkable happened! I MOVED OUT AGAIN! But then the UNTHINKABLE happened. FARAH MOVED IN TO TOWN! I was overwhelmed and totally excited! She came in a U-Haul with her Lisa and started living it up mad style with J Lou. I started my life in the Black Pearl (note to readers-this is one of two times that the Pearl was actually clean)...


Halloween Came and The Cass was a spider...


The Fauf was a Laura and I was a Jeffery...


But more importantly that night I snuck a treat into Fauf's house declaring my love for all that is Fauf (The treat still sits on a shelf in our house)... I suppose opening my heart to love opened my heart to loving more than just a Fauf. It was only a month later, while working as a student teacher in Mother Hen's class, that I declared my love for... Well I think you can see...



I shall stop here for now, for I have been blogging for well over an hour. But I will come back to chronicle the journey from singlehood to marriage in my next entry... For this has been...

600!


Final Thoughts:
They told me, "There will be no glory in your blog. I will erase even the memory of your blog from the histories! Every piece of Bling Blang Blog shall be burned. Every blog historian, and every blogger shall have their eyes pulled out, and their tongues cut from their mouths. Why, uttering the very name of blogs, or IgMaster, will be punishable by death! The world will never know you existed at all!"

But I say, "The world will know that free men stood against a blogless-tyrant, that few stood against many, and before this blog was over, even a god-king can read the blog."