These are a Few a of My Least Favorite Things

"When the dog bites. When the bee stings. When I'm feeling sad." Randomly, in Target, my niece starting singing this song. What a Sullivan! I know--ridiculous. But it got me thinking...

I know you are suppose to love all creatures great and small, but honestly. If the circle of life could do without these creatures I'd be a happy man. So here it is. My list of 5 Least Favorite Things (in this case animals).

5. Bees.

These creatures are unpredictable. I never know when one is mean and when one is just going about its pollinating business. Honestly folks, I never know how to respond to these menacing creatures. For a more intense phobia of bees please consult the Fauf and her pre-Manor, Cottage dwelling days. Poor Doodle.


4. Pigeons.

What are these birds about? They act as though we are not a threat to them. I hated the pigeons in NYC and I am growing fearful of the ones who reside on Rubel Way. Daily they flock in front of my house like some sort of gang, waiting to prance on my beautiful lawn and steal my seed.

3. Geese.



Have you ever been to Waller Park? If you answered yes, then chances are you share my fears. There is some sort of filthy, mutant goose who lives in the back pond (Monkey Island) who looks like Darth Maul. He hisses and chases you if you don't give him enough bread and has horrible mating practices. I've seen him jump up on other ducks who clearly don't want him there. In addition to ravaging one another the other geese are equally as detestable the clicking, wing waving and beak pecking is absurd and offends me.

2. Raccoons.

I like puppet and animated raccoons but when it comes to live ones I hate them. Once I saw this HORRIBLE looking Raccoon in my parents backyard. At first I thought it was a dwarf pony, then a German Shepard, then I saw it for what it was. A FREAK! A RACCOON! They are nature's bandits with their hideous eyes and should be ridiculed for eating garbage and digging through my trash cans.

1. Possums.

Sick. Disgusting. They are horrible from the day they are born to the day they die. Or as Pastor Johnson says, "From birth to burial." Did you know when an opossum is born it is the size of a rice krispy??? We had a guest scientist visit our school and he shared this shocking, disgusting information. In addition they NEVER stop growing! So if one lived to be 8 or 9 years old it would be as big as VW Bug! SICK! R.O.U.S.! I couldn't find a baby the size of a rice krispy, but I found one the size of a quarter. DIRTY! All I have to say is ever since the possums started following me in high school I have hated them ever since (Please see notes on me seeing the mother possum with her young clinging to her back--shiver---).