Brainstorm.

Last night, after some great chocolate tasting, I sat around and waited for 10 o'clock to roll around (see Farah on this one, she says I should never go to bed before 10). I decided to do a brainstorm where I came up with a list of blogs I should write. Still keeping in the Top 10 or Top something category. But today it occurred to me, my readers may wish for specific TOP Lists.

Therefore, today I bequeath upon you the honor of leaving me comments to direct my next three blogs. I will take recommendations and will then set out to write reader-inspired blogs. Some may wonder, "But what if your readers fail you, Michael? What if they don't give you ideas?" Well, in that case I will go to my journal of ideas and pull upon those, but I know I won't have to! My readers won't fail me now!

So, start posting...

(And, no, this isn't a ploy to get more comments)

Walking the Carpet.

OK. This blog isn't as "listy" as the last 12 I have posted, but it makes me laugh. Two words for you:

Joan.
Rivers.



Hate her or love her? Whatever you may say about Joan Rivers, I think she is one of the quickest people on her feet at age 76, and let’s face it she’s pretty funny too. Here are the top 6 things she said on TV last week:

6. In response to someone name-dropping---
That’s fabulous. You must have some amazing Christmas Card List.

5. In response to someone who doesn’t look out for others----
She’d spit on the ground and drown her mother in it.

4. When the enemy from the other team comes in---
I bet she wears a size 6. And she wears three garments. 6-6-6.

3. To a model who says she’s smart----
Sure, [she's smart] both breasts can count to ten.

2. When given a sports task----
I don’t know a thing about sports. I signed up to be the catcher for the javelin.

1. Talking about a guy who is self centered----
He would give himself a hickey.

I hope she comes back to Apprentice next week. It will be boring if she takes off. Hope you laughed a little.

The Fauf.

Here are the Top 10 Reasons Marrying The Fauf Bettered My Life, or The Top 10 Reasons Being Married to the Fauf has Spoiled Me. These are strictly superficial reasons, protecting my readers from gagging at the ridiculous goo-goo-ga-ga love I hold for the Fauf, and glamorizing the ridiculous ways she enhances my life in the simple and mundane.

10. My Laundry.
I don't even think about it anymore. 2 years ago at this time I was on my own with this mess. Now, I put it in a hamper (yes, I put it in the hamper now) and it magically is cleaned by the Fauf. Ah.

9. Lunch.
My blue lunch box goes on the counter at 4:00 every weekday, and when I wake up in the morning it is in the refrigerator with a perfect Ig-sized lunch ready to go. The mighty lunch-maker Fauf is great.

8. Gab.
She listens to me complain about everything and rarely (Note, she does get exhausted from it.) tells me to be quiet about my work, church, or anything in between. The listening Fauf is great. (And yes, the picture is Beyonce singing "Listen" from Dreamgirls.)

7. Chick Flicks.
I feel better renting, watching, and going to Chick Flicks now that I have the Fauf in my life. Before it was just "Oh, I guess I'll see it." While secretly counting the days until it came out. Now I can say, "Oh, we both thought it would be good to go see." Movie viewing Fauf is great.

6. Friday Nights.
Ug. I use to love and hate Friday nights. I mean, they are great if you have a plan or are willing to go out and make things happen, but when you have a Fauf in your life things just happen. No need to plan, 'cause the Fauf is there! Friday Fauf is a good Fauf to have around.

5. Bedtime.
I never use to like a bedtime, but now I really do. It makes me a better Ig. I am lessy moody, more prepared for the day, and let's face it, that's good for everyone. The Fauf likes her bedtime, and the Ig joins in because, let's face it, going to bed and cuddling is a good option for the both of us. Scheduled Fauf is a keeper.

4. Cupboards are Stocked.
Yup, whenever I am feeling hungry or in need of some nourishment I go to the kitchen cupboard and the Fauf has already stocked it with good food. Some healthier than I would have bought, but that's good for an Ig. The Fauf always makes sure the Ig has a good meal, and even the occasional dessert. What a homemaker that Fauf is!

3. Saying "my wife".
It just sounds great talking to other people and referencing "My wife, who works as..." or "Just yesterday my wife and I..." or even "Did I tell you my wife..." Yup. Bringing her up in conversations with others may get old for the listeners out there, but I love it. The Spoken About Fauf is great.

2. Creativity.
It is really great to have someone who I can bounce my creativity off of. No, not like a ball to a wall, but like iron sharpening iron. She is great because where I have an unfinished idea, she finishes it, and visa-versa. We both encourage each other to be creative risk takers, and I'm not going to lie to you, we are going to do great things. Creative Fauf is really fun to have around.

1. Summers.
What a breath of fresh air. Yes, Summer Fauf is different than School-Year Fauf, but I like her just that way. During the summer it is great to have a friend to roam around the Central Coast with. No plans, just ideas to try out. It is way fun knowing we both have the same time off and can be as hermit-y or adventurous as we please. Summer Fauf works it!

So there it is, an Ode to the Fauf and all her glory. Hooray for the Doodle and all her Loopiness. Sorry no pictures, Blogger wouldn't load 'em.

Events to Plan.

Again, consider this tomorrow's post.

Summer must be near (one 32 more days of school left). I say summer is near because all I want to do is throw some great party for the people I know. I normally don't get this urge until the mid-summer or during a long break. But the feeling is here now. So here are the top 7 parties I'd love throw...

7. A Masquerade.
Never been to one, but they seem freakishly interesting. Though I am always fearful of someone being poisoned at the events. Perhaps that's why I never went.

6. A Cheese Party.

Only foods that go well with cheese or have cheese in them would be allowed. The Fauf's Dream would then come true.

5. A Cake Party.

I love cake. I love white cake with white frosting, but I always would like to branch out in my cake tasting. Therefore a party devoted to different cakes would be great. Chocolate, red velvet, vanilla, yellow, strawberry, Funfetti, and more... Though I'm not sure Trainer Bob would like me indulging in all these cakes, it sure would be great to try them all.

4. A Disney Party.

We would watch Disney Movies and determine what character you were most like... It would be like The Beast's Library... but better. Then we would play Disney Trivial Pursuit and determine who is The Prince or Princess of Disney for the Day. That person would get to then pick the first movie and get a certificate declaring the day in their name.

3. A Surprise Party.
I'd love to select one person to honor for something, it doesn't have to be a birthday, but just the idea of planning something for a particular person in secret is great fun. At the party I would love to play traditional party games and events. We'd play Pin the Tale on the Donkey, tape a word to your back and guess what it is, maybe a pinata, and obviously there would be cake and ice cream. Oh, it would be great. Now to pick the unsuspecting honoree.

2. A Survivor Party.
It would be fun to relive the magic of the Survivor games I use to put on. I love the idea of outwitting and outlasting, the outplaying part is pretty fun too.

1. A Murder Mystery Party.

It has been too many years since I have hosted one. I need to do it. This summer after I've submitted my last paper to Dr. Larson I'll get crackin' on it. I am thinking the Manor is a great place for a spooky night of craftiness. Ooo, I'm getting excited already!

After writing this I have decided I need to either:
A) Have kids so I can throw them cool themed-out birthday parties.
B) Open a business where I can throw parties for others.
C) Keep a journal of ideas so I can give them to other to use so I don't end up spending money on this stuff.

Let's Do Lunch.

Consider this tomorrow's post.

Here is a list of people I would like to have lunch with, just to find out who they really are and have a few laughs--plus pass the bill off to them.

10. Brian Singer and Chris Nolan.


I like these guys' takes on movies and I'd love to sit down with them and discover their processes. The two of them together strike me as major restaurant chain guys--Olive Garden or a Mimi's Cafe would probably suffice.

9. Harry Wong.

I mainly added this guy to the list because it is kind of ridiculous to include him on the list. But I was thinking of people who would be passionate about teaching and he was one of the first to make the list. He is not a teacher, but one who "Inspires Young People". Oh yah, he has lots of those types of teacher terms, but at any rate I think we would have a great time talking shop. And we'd probably do so in the Staff Lounge.

8. Ann Coulter.

Wow, can you believe I included her? This woman has, as Farah puts it, a strong POV. She probably is more mild mannered behind the scenes or I bet she wouldn't be on all the shows as much. Nevertheless, I think she is a fascinating person--now me agreeing with her is a different story. She'd definitely want to eat somewhere where they served steak. I'm guessing an American Bistro would be in order for this luncheon.

7. Trainer Bob.

Right now that man just cracks me up. Every time I work out to his DVD I laugh and "burn" along side of him. I bet he has an interesting story to tell, if anything I would probably eat something healthy for once--my guess is he would pick Natural Cafe or would make me cook at home to "teach me the value of creating healthy meals." Oh, that Bob.

6. Joan Rivers.

I just watched 4 hours of Apprentice and I have to say that woman is a riot. She would be a hoot and a half... And she's 76! She'd probably want to meet in some amazing 5 star restaurant in New York-- Appetizers, salads, entrees, and dessert! Love it!

5. The Queen of England.

I mean, this woman has seen a lot of stuff in her life. She is pretty much a remarkable person, though I hope I wouldn't be too nervous about my manors. I think she'd want to meet in the palace where we'd be waited on like royalty---well one of us in the room would be.

4. Meryl Streep.

I would love to talk to her about her movie role and what she does to get into the role. I'd also ask her about the whole Oscar process, I know there is some political priming that goes on there. So, how does she do it? She'd probably like to meet somewhere back east, Connecticut or Maine, where we'd eat in a small restaurant where people know her and don't freak out.

3. Billy Graham.

This guy is an icon for the faith. I wonder what his take on this generation is, the future of our country, and what advice he would pass along to me about living the life would be. He's an amazing person and would probably meet me in some diner off the side of the highway, probably Pappy's.

2. Mr. Rogers.

Yes, I know he is no longer with us, but what an icon of greatness. If there is one modern guy who can teach us to care about our neighbor it's Mr. Rogers. I would love to sit in that TV Living Room of his with a TV Tray and chat about the goodness and warmth we can inspire in this world. Ahh, what a great guy. Someday I too may wear the cardigans of the great Rogers...

1. You.

Yes, I would love to have lunch with you, my faithful readers, friends, and family. So give me a jingle and we'll do lunch, your choice where we go!

Eat up, me hearties!

The New Ig is Old

Yesterday was about things I want to do, but probably won't. So today is about things I want to do and probably will. Every once and awhile I start something new in my life. This month my goal was to start a few new things that I will put forth an effort to keep doing. So here is my list of the top 6 things I have started (or will be starting) this month:

6. Reading a book.

I know this sounds lame, but I am infamous for starting books and putting them down half way through, three chapters in, and yes, even after one page (The Time Traveler's Wife). This month I started the book Ender's Game. Everyone tells me it is really great, so I will try my best to persevere and read it. Besides it will at least give me something to talk about with the Fauf.

5. Spring/Summer/Autumn/Winter Clean.

Clean out (meaning throw out) one drawer per month in my classroom. Just like all teachers we hold on to too much junk. I am now at a place where I can see what I need and what I will ignore. At least one day per month I am devoting my day to cleaning one drawer at a time. Often I take a day and do a major clean and dust, but from now on I am devoting my clean to one drawer. In 12 months time I will (or should I say should) have a minimalist's closet.

4. Writing to a pen pal.

I am lousy at having my students remember to write to their pen pals, but I think I can do it. In the 4th Grade I became pen pals with Mrs. E. A woman in Florida who sent me cards for about 3 to 4 years. I was pretty good about writing her, so we'll see if I can master the art of writing with a pen again. So far, one letter is in the mail, so that's good.

3. Meeting with Trainer Bob.

I started this new exercise routine (regimen) where I do this intense Boot Camp work out for about 35 minutes every other day or so. This past week has been ridiculously busy so I only did it twice, but the other weeks I was able to meet at minimum 3 times. I'm working up to meeting 4-5 times a week, but my exhaustion level gets up there.

2. Meeting with Michael Parker.
I feel like I rarely see this uniformed man these days. So I have decided I will do my best to meet with him at least once a week. Tuesday afternoons are reserved for Parker (oh-and Trainer Bob--oh and BTSA once a month--but mostly Parker). I expect this will be a good thing as Parker is a ridiculous friend and a lot of fun to hang out with. In addition he buys presents for the Shaw house frequently, so that makes it double the fun.

1. Walking to church.

I started this the week after Easter Sunday and I really thought it went well. I need to allow a little extra time as it takes a whopping 13 minutes to get there. Now in the past my exercise commitments have floundered slightly (see biking to Hancock, running to Dunlap, biking to Dunlap, etc.). But this one is so short I feel like I can't miss.

Hobbies.

Though Farah claims I create time that doesn't exist (see dates I have planned for her), I never seem to have enough time to invest into these indulgent hobbies I dream about. Yes, I do a lot of things now: I blog, watch movies, skim through the pages of Entertainment Weekly, go to movies, and watch a few TV shows.

But I wonder what I would do if I were more disciplined with my time or had a few more windows open up... Here is the Top 10 Things I would do if could only I discipline myself:

10. Knot Up.
Learn how to tie all of those knots Boy Scouts tie. This would just make me a better person, and a safer one when I go sailing.

9. Appleseed.

Plant trees all over the states like Johnny Appleseed. This just sounds iconic so I'd like to invest time into it.

8. The Arts.
Debut a gallery of my artwork. I'd love to paint a great series or two to display and have people consider. Visual Arts are amazing how people interpret them differently and like or dislike.

7. Build a tree house.

I've always wanted one. There were never any trees to build in, but I did make blueprints for ground level club house. If only I could build one.

6. Wardrobe.
Sew Farah a wardrobe. I think this would be so sweet. She would look hot, it would be creative, and I would have a great model to inspire me.

5. A Teacher Book.
Write a book about the woes of being a teacher for teachers. Pure and simple: This would be insightful and fun to write.

4. Triathlon.

Run in a Triathlon. This is something I think would be nice to earn a ribbon for, but I'll probably never do it. I hate running more than any other exercise I have yet to meet. Soon Bob will probably introduce me to some horrible exercise I will rank above it, but still, for now running is the pits.

3. Novel.
Write a children's novel. Everyone knows I want to do this one, but I doubt my work to be worthy of finishing. Hum. Maybe I should just do it.

2. Movie Review.

Write a weekly article for a magazine or newspaper. This would be best if I could review movies. It would help reduce my expenses due to my movie addiction and I would love the push to write something interesting and relevant for the masses (And no, this blog doesn't count, here I can write junk and no one complains--except Parker).

1. Creative Beings.
Host a Creative-Thinking Seminar at Church. I think this would be awesome and inspiring. I would love to help others recognize the creativity they have been given. Wouldn't it be cool to focus our talents and creativity to minister? I think it would be.

Well, if I only had a brain I would do just that.

Questions.

Here is a list of the Top 10 Questions I want to ask people after tipping some Veritaserum in their tea.

10. To Whoopi:

Did you ever have eyebrows?

9. To Oprah:
Why haven't you married that man yet?

8. To JK Rowling:
Did you really know how the story was going to end?

7. To Jesus:

How did you disappear all the time? Did you have some sort of Invisibility Cloak or some cool power?

6. To Mary:

Did you ever discipline your first born?

5. To Palin:
Were the guys at the Republican Camp setting you up to look like a fool?

4. To Darwin:
Did you really turn to the Lord before you died?

3. To Obama:

Are you really a Christian?

2. To Any President:
Who really elects the president?

1. To The Media:
Who decides what we don't hear in the news?

Some of these answers I believe I will know one day. However, I fear I wouldn't want to know most of the answers, but still, I wonder...

The New Tube.

OK. Last night I couldn't get to sleep because I was SOOO excited about a silly-stupid clip on YouTube, so I rushed downstairs to load it up and share it with the Fauf. After laughing about it for about 20 minutes we came up with a list of my favorite YouTube Moments. Here they are. Enjoy.

10. Some of this video is just OK, but the when Sharon talks at the end I crack up. It has become a Fig saying, "I just wish you hadn't started with the trumpet." And then top it off with a lame comment from David and the encouraging Jerry, you have perfection.



9. This one is bound to be a classic. It is a little long, but it makes you feel happy watching it. You know you want to join in.


8. Harry Potter did make this list. This one is a little off-color, but it is really clever. Enjoy, "Brokeback Harry Potter"...


7. Again, this one is distasteful. I love Alex Trebek just as much as the next guy. A Jeopardy Fan, that's me. But this one is really foul. I have to admit this one is NSFW and contains A LOT of vulgar language. But it is LOL funny to hear him talk the way he does. Sorry if this offends you. But it is so weird to hear proper people curse. If you don't like cussing, don't listen to this.


6. I work with kids, I use to work with Preschoolers so this one is hysterical to me. Just wait until the middle then think of the ridiculousness of the situation. This poor guy doesn't have a chance to not die laughing.


5. OMG. This one is so funny. I responded exactly like the news reporter. I can't get over this guy's face. Poor guy. Sick story.


4. This is a Shaw Manor Staple. We love this show. It is horrible TV from the early, early, early 90's. The woman you'll see, Linda Dano, is the most extreme close talker--in this one I am convinced the producers told her to sit back a little, normally she is creepily close. I can't imagine what the other lady is thinking. Besides that the line about a crustacean cracks me up for some reason.


3. A new one for the Shaw Manor, but it makes me laugh and remember memories of this movie. WHY ON EARTH DID WE ALL WATCH THIS MOVIE! What is up with this horrible theme song. Deedle deedle dee... I love it too.


2. As many times as I watch it, this one is still funny and kind of scary. I am always amazed at trailers and often disappointed in the actual movies. Trailers can really make you think a movie is going to be one way, when in reality it is totally a different way. Like this one...


1. Picking a number one was hard, but after careful consideration I picked an oldie but a goodie. I remember first watching this with my Best Friend from Elementary School, Jason. We saw it ONE time and I remembered the words to the song (Well, some of them) 10 years later! Now approximately 20 years after hearing it, it has resurfaced as one of my favorite themes.


Oh why not, everyone else is doing it, I'll throw in Susan Boyle on CNN. CNN! What? This is breaking news? What? This is ridiculous.


And if you watched all of these, you are silly, but a great friend.

Bugga Boo

I need to rant a little. So here is a list of things that bother me, disturb me, or just make me angry.

10. Belly Button Lint
Not that I have an excess of it, but I just don't get how it gets there and why it haunts so many. Honestly, if we were in a nudist colony would we have belly button lint? Well if not, we would have Austen Hough to deal with. So you'd have to weigh which is worse.

9. Spotty Internet

I mean, can't we just let everyone have the Internet? Having to pay, or hunt for a neighbor's unblocked WiFi is just ridiculous. I think all the companies need to get together and come up with a way of providing a basic FREE Internet service, just like analog television. FREE is good. I get 4 channels. Give me 10 free web sites per day. I'm just saying. It only makes sense.


8. Bugs.

I hate all of these little bugs hatching around me. Not literally around me, but in the different locations I find myself at there seem to be a lot of bugs. At work there is an infestation of gnats. At home we have seen a large array of spiders (Technically arachnids, but still). I got in my car yesterday and was greeted by a moth like creature! Everywhere I look--BUGS!

7. Macadamia Nuts

Every time I see a good cookie I am always a bit nervous that it may contain traces of the macadamia nut. I mean, from what I understand I am deathly allergic to them, and I don't want to risk it. So the first bite of a cookie is always a bit nerve racking, when in reality it should be one of the highlights of my day. Boo on you!

6. Lingering Smells

After a heat wave everything stinks. From the Junior Higher at the school to the trash can waiting to be collected. I can't stand the smell of the day after heat. Gross. I think it could be rectified with some Febreeze, but that's a whole lot of work. I suppose I could say I hate heat waves, but the smell is somehow worse--as it is inescapable.

5. Running

I have never been a runner (consult my fourth grade report card). I blame part of it on my childhood asthma, but now I try, and then I try again and I never NEVER like it. I like the idea of it. But the actual act of it is a joke. I always try to challenge myself, but I have no perseverance. I set mini goals and then say, "Ah, who cares?" and I stop running. I even try to get motivated by telling others. Then I just say "Eh." Call me Joy Behar, but "So what? Who cares?" I sure don't care for running.

4. BTSA

This is the worst government funded program. Well, I do like some aspects of it. But if I were in charge things would be run VERY different. I hate all the paper work and all the run around I get. The program is good in theory but doesn't meet the needs of each teacher. More often than not teachers have a negative perspective on BTSA, and I sadly am one of them.

3. MIA Parents

Urg! Sometimes I want to scream as parents forget their duty to their children. I have observed this one parent in particular who pretends to care about their (see I'm not saying he or she) kid, but in reality their child always gets the back burner. Boo. Especially when your child is under the age of 7 I, as a teacher of young kids, expect them to pay closer attention to the fact that they are in desperate need of help. Now if only we could give parents Detentions I think the world of academia would improve immensely.

2. Guns

There. I said it. I don't like them. They made my list. Call me a Bad Republican, an Extreme Democrat. Whatever you will. I don't like them. Sure I see there place in Law Enforcement. I see their use in some cases, but I still don't like them.

1. Lists
Just kidding, I couldn't think of one for my number one gripe today!

There it is. Sorry no pictures, ran out of time--well I woke up this morning and added some. So there! Woot, woot!